I haven’t mentioned this Cold Snap too often here. I just realize that we are in Ohio, and it gets cold here in the Winter. Time to suffer. But my cold gauge is a bit different from most people. To me, anything below 80 degrees is uncomfortable. If it drops below 75, I need a sweatshirt. Fifty degrees is the outer limits of toleration.
And finally, once it gets below 30, it all feels the same. Bone-chilling-painful-numbness. I’ve been told by Doctors that I have Raynaud’s Syndrome. My hands prove it every time I go to the grocery store and have to spend time around “open” coolers and freezers. Nonetheless, I have it a lot better than most of the world population, and I am thankful to be me, exactly as I am.
So yes. It has been cold here. And complaining doesn’t warm it up any. Especially now that I have to stand countless hours beside a little dog as he pees or poops in waist deep snow.
But. That’s not the worst of it. I know I said that complaining accomplishes zilch-o.
BUT. Gosh darn it.
DON’T go canceling Bingo Night down at the Felton Ledford American Legion Post #126, for crying out loud. You know, once every 22 years or so, I get a real hankering to play some Bingo, and the other night, was it. Do you think I could find a Bingo game anywhere? Heck no. I tried five of the surrounding counties. I thought the Ledford Lodge would be my best bet, as they have never closed for anything. But that was a big No-Go. Their closing scrolled across my TV screen with every other school, church, lodge and daycare in the entire state.
Pisshaw I say. Pisshaw.
It must be cold. I mean, in Florida, there are Iguanas dropping out of trees. Yes, apparently in South Florida, it is “raining iguanas.” Green iguanas, like all reptiles, are cold-blooded animals. So. When those thick-skinned-guys are in cold temperatures, they become immobile. Like me. Under 50 degrees Fahrenheit, they become sluggish. Under 40 degrees, their blood stops moving as much. Mine too.
The difference between them, and me? They like to sit in trees. So now in Florida, it has become cold enough, and they fall right out. Onto whatever, or whoever is below. They are telling people it may be better not to help them. And for good reason.
One guy collected a bunch of frozen-fallen Iguanas in the back of his car. As he was driving along, the Iguanas began to warm back up. Now. In my limited life experience with Iguanas, one thing is for certain. They will turn on you like fate turns on a dime. And turn those Iguanas did. The Green-Guys went after the driver and caused a crash. And get this. NONE of the Iguanas were wearing seat belts.
As we see once again. No good deed goes unpunished.
The Bomb Cyclone hits the East. The frigid temperatures are gripping most of the U.S. And tonight, here in Camden, the wind chill is expected to be a -20 degrees Fahrenheit. Twenty below. Looooook out BELOW.
I’m heading to the grocery now to sit in the freezer case to warm up. And NOT play Bingo. With my Frozen Iguana.
Right after I go watch my little dog pee ice cubes.
“The storm starts, when the drops start dropping
When the drops stop dropping then the storm starts stopping.”
― Dr. Seuss
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
― Carl Reiner
“Pray don’t talk to me about the weather, Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel quite certain that they mean something else. And that makes me quite nervous.”
― Oscar Wilde