Number Crunch


The older I get, the more I think about life and all of its “ins & outs” and “ups and downs.” I was reminded the other day of our “birth” statistic. For whatever year you were born, your day gets 0.274% of the tally for the overall world population.

So in my birth year, there were 3.26 billion people born. That means I share my birthday with 12 million people. Roughly. (The 0.274%)

There are 12 million of us walking around, born on the exact same date. I have never met a one of them, that I am aware of. I wonder if any of them would be in any way shape or form, like me. One little bit?

And on this day. If you were born, right now, there will be 19 million others popping right out of the womb today too. All over the world. All sorts of mothers shouting horrible things at the man who impregnated them. Like. “Wipe that f#@king grin off your face, you ba$%2rd. I AMMMM pushing!”

Yep.  There is only about a 50% chance those two will stay married, here in the U.S.   It is worse in Belgium. The divorce rate is 70 percent there.

Life is filled with all sorts of statistics, and odds. Facts and figures. It reminds us all about being a part of this big human wave.

The last time I was in NYC, we traveled by subway once. Do you want to talk about the big human wave? New York’s subway system carries close to six million people each day. That is like, more than twice the entire population of Chicago. In a day. The bad part is, the city is worried about the integrity of the structures. Tunnels are crumbling, tracks are in disrepair, and on. Accident waiting to happen. Underground.

Above is much better. We have a 1 in 2,067,00 chance of dying a horrible death in a plane crash. That’s not so bad.

Much better than your odds at night time. We have a 1 in 423,548 chance of dying from falling out of bed. Now this one troubles me. I have never fallen out of bed. Ever. I can only attribute this savviness, to the foresight and preparation of my good parents. When I was a kid, and slept on the top bunk bed, they put up a railing. And a ladder. I imagine, all those years of training, now account for my acute ability to remain in bed, all night. Without falling out.

And rest easy while you are there my friends. Those nighttime spider snacks are a myth. The Scientific American Foundation reports that our chances of eating a spider as we sleep is about 0%.

No. You are wide awake when you eat bugs. According to the FDA, there is an average of 60 or more bug fragments per quarter pound of chocolate. Peanut butter has 30 or more insect fragments per quarter pound. Everything you eat likely has critter parts in it. Especially chocolate and peanut butter, for my dear friends who love Peanut M&Ms. And Reese Cups.

But really. Don’t let that bother you. More things live on your skin than there are humans on planet Earth. And I just found out about something called eyelash mites. I’m not going to put you through it here. But it has left me deeply affected. This was an image I can’t really un-forget.

Here is the good news. I will leave you with a spring in your step. The human life expectancy has increased more in the past 50 years than in the last 200,000 years. So it is time to throw a party. Birthday parties, with all the other 12 million people born on your exact date.   With lots and lots of balloons.

And, if you need help filling them up, I have the key. Beautiful Cows. Yes. One cow, farts enough each day, to fill 30 party balloons.

Of course, then, you have the smell.

Did you know, only 30% of all people can flare their nostrils?



“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” 
― Aristotle


“The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.” 
― Socrates


“Never laugh at live dragons.” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien


“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.” 
― Albert Einstein