Down to the wire

There are those moments in life when you realize that you’ve eaten too much cake, and there is no going back now. You forge ahead. Moments later the sugar shock sets in, and you wish you were a goldfish, in some bowl, on some windowsill in Walnut Grove, Wisconsin. Looking out on the cheese factories. Everywhere. The haywire has just taken hold of your brain.

Haywire. By our most recent definitions, it suggests that something has gone out of order or has gone terribly wrong. Akin to when you are at the very end of a super-wild-and-wooly-thriller movie, like Who Framed Roger Rabbit and a rainstorm approaches. Suddenly, the satellite TV goes fuzzy, and then gone! No picture. Just as Jessica Rabbit begins to tell Roger….. “I was drawn this way.”

Any day could bring any little thing. Certainly, there are times, when nothing will do but Macaroni and Cheese. So, you set out to boil the macaroni…. just as you remember you left the iron on. You had recently been pressing your best parachute pants. The green ones, with the broad orange stripes. One can never be seen in wrinkly parachute pants. You walk into the laundry room to unplug the iron when you recall that there is a load of clothes in the dryer. Folding time. As you pass back through the kitchen, you see that water is boiling all over the stove top, down the cupboards and onto the floor. Haywire.

What is it about haywire? As the word suggests, it is the wire used for baling hay. But it is often used in makeshift repairs. As such, this somewhat hurried and temporary use of haywire brought about the slangy-term. The makeshift approach could go very wrong. Also, there is a high degree of difficulty in handling the springy wire. It has a tendency to get tangled around legs, and arms, and heads — depending on your ability. Disorderly. Out of control. You get it.

Anything might go haywire. Any time. Anywhere. One way or another, if we just hang on, we can “bale” ourselves out.

But. If things happen to go haywire, it might be good to try a new way. A different approach. A better fix.

Like. Duct Tape.



My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. — Mitch Hedberg


When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. — Saul Bellow


I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. — Lily Tomlin