Monsters and chicken eggs.

eggs monster

Today is our oldest grand daughter’s birthday.     She came around to these parts about 20 years ago.  To me, that seems hard to believe.  That thing called time.

Evasive.  Weird.  Super fast when you don’t want it to be.  Super slow when you are getting a root canal.

And sitting here tonight with us, are two of our youngest grandchildren.  It hardly seems possible that they are six and nine years already. But tonight, I asked them what I should write about.  Their names are Fred and George.  Their names really are not Fred and George. I’m just saying that to protect the innocent.

I asked them what I should write about tonight… and they said… “The Egg Monster.”

So for your reading pleasure, a little story about the Egg Monster.

The condensed version:  The Egg Monster will steal your eggs, and suck the life from the living.  That is all.

Now the extended version for the boys….

You may have never heard of the Egg Monster, but he exists.  And believe you me, it is the scariest of all the monsters on the block. The Egg Monster only comes out at night… and only when you least expect it.

One minute, everyone is happy and dancing around in the barn yard.  The goats are head-butting, the geese are waddling, and those chickens…they are a-laying.  But even though we dance and sing… we sense there may be something wrong…

Just as the chickens finishing giving the world their golden gifts…. and the dusk of night begins to lay itself over the earth….  the Egg Monster begins to stir.  It hides from the light of day, beneath the bushes, and beneath the dirt.  When the dark fills the air, in every nook and single cranny, the monster comes to life. It creeps out slowly quietly.

It is so silent, and full of stealth, that you may be standing right next to the Egg Monster and never see a thing.  But if you listen closely… and be very still yourself…. you can hear its breath.  It rasps, and it wheezes, but barely to the human ear.  Yet…you can feel the moist heat of that foul breath as it makes its way around you.

Do not stand still in that darkness.   The Egg Monster preys on those who do not move.  And the closer you listen to hear exactly where it might be… the closer that monster comes to you.

Your only chance, your only prayer, it to find the light.  As fast as you can, move toward the light…..  be in the light.

You can listen once again.  But you will only hear the screams from afar.  Where the darkness still dwells, and the Egg Monster reigns.  Stealing… the eggs from the chickens… and the breath from the living.  It remains.  And you… must never go back.

I just read it to the boys.

Now they want the eggs to hatch.. … and for there to be lots more Egg Monsters as a result of this.

Don’t you know?  Everybody wants a sequel I’ll tell you.  Everybody wants an Egg Monster II:  Dawn of the Yolk.

Sure.  I’ll give it to them.  But here is one more thing to remember.  A little life helper to keep with you.  Egg Monsters or not.

Remain in the Light.  Yes. As the Talking Heads so aptly put it…. Remain in the Light.

And you may ask yourself, well
How did I get here?

-Talking Heads, Once in a Lifetime, Remain in the Light