It isn’t happening now. But the crunched-up piles in my driveway are reminders.
Snow. This time of year, this winter, is the time we typically get the snow. It is cold now, and it happens when our part of the planet turns frigid. But all of this nonsense really starts in September. I mean, that is when Summer is officially over. Technically, the warm season begins around June 21 and ends on September 22. But the dagger comes on Labor Day. Everyone gathers, and throws backyard parties, and swims in pools for the last time. They clamor around in their Flip-flops and wave goodbye to the fading days of summer. This sadness is causation for people to quit wearing white after Labor Day.
Many of you may not know why that is. The reason that people quit wearing white? It is because, when it starts snowing, we might lose them for good. I’ve seen too many people wearing white, just scooped over by some snow plow and left for slush, at the side of the road, in big piles of sludge.
Anyway, it all begins gearing up in September. Many of you may be saying, “But what about Fall? What about all the lovely colors of Autumn?” Well. I concede. It is beautiful while it is happening. But the reality is phony death. All those green plants put on this withered ruse and act like they are dying. Then, they go completely limp and lifeless. Seven months later, they come back to breath. It is kind of like characters in a Soap Opera. Yes. Those pretty colors are merely signals. Warnings. Like flares. Telling us the bitter cold is on the way, and with it, the snow.
I’ve seen snow as early as September. And then we are left with seven or eight months of the cover of gray. By February, most of us have had enough. Although, there are a band of you, that must drink a lot in your spare time. Those that say, “I love the snow. It is so beautiful.” Again, I partially concede. I have seen photos and thought it was lovely. Been when it is out my window, I see the logistical challenges for millions of people.
There is a petition. I read about it in the news a couple of days ago. The proposal is to sell Montana, to Canada, for $1 Trillion. That might be a good place for snow lovers to move, before the sale. I think all the people living in Montana are included in the deal.
Albeit, I don’t think Canada will ever go for it. Sort of like the Mexicans didn’t go for footing the bill for Donnie’s wall. And it is true, I have a sister and a brother-in-law in Montana. A couple of friends, too. I’m not worried. I think America won’t be losing them anytime soon.
I only write about the snow, because a couple of nights ago, we got about 5 inches. By morning it was raining. I took my two dogs out to do their business quite early. In my slippers. It was a huge mistake for all three of us. I was up to my ankles in Slurpee’s. They had it worse, if you understand how short my little Louis is. When I told him to “Go to his ‘spot’” he shot back a look of an incredulous nature.
Snow, spelled backward, is Wons. If you mix up the letters, it is Owns. Or Nows. I don’t know what this means, except that Winter is really wearing on me, and I’m seeing my life in Word Jumbles now. And I’ve ruined yet another pair of slippers. Tomorrow, I’m wearing white. Count on it.
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
― Carl Reiner
“The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house. All that cold, cold, wet day.”
― Dr. Seuss, The Cat in the Hat
“It’s too cold outside for angels to fly.”
― Ed Sheeran