A dislexic walks into a bra…


I went to a Random Word Site.

First of all. Let me say, “What a world we live in.” I made the statement, “I went to a Random Word Site,” like I was somehow walking down the street in Camden, Ohio. And we’re walking. Walking. I passed the Laundromat, and then the Police Station. Oh, there’s Big Ray’s Pizza Parlor, and just past that, third door on the left, is the Random Word Site. You have to give the door a really good push. It sticks sometimes.

And in I went.

I bellied up to the counter, put down my money, and said, “Hit me.” Well, the Word-Tender, poured me a Zokor. “What’s this? It sounds like a Harry Potter Villian,” I asked. He nodded his head as he rubbed a shot glass with his white towel, “It is a central Asian mole-like burrowing rodent.” He gives me a look, like I am some kind of ignoramus. But I played it cool. I was out having Words, after all.

“Hit me again,” I said, as I pushed another buck across the sticky surface of the bar. Out comes a Hystricine. I asked again, only to find out that it is “of, like, or pertaining to porcupines.” At that point, I was thinking, “What is this? Some sort of vertebrate word bar? Geez.”

Well, the first two didn’t go down so well, so I pressed on for a third. This time I got a “Microseismometer” which is an instrument for measuring small or distant earthquakes. Heck, that one kind of shook me. So I decided I had to knock back another. It is kind of like that when you are in a Random Word Bar. You just never know WHAT you are going to get.

He pours again. “Finitism.” “The belief that the universe or God is finite in scope.” Whew. Way too much for me to consider at this point. I was feeling a little flushed anyhow. Woozy, even. I couldn’t decide if it was the words, or if it was really getting hot in there. But I couldn’t really stop on the philosophic shot.

One more, please. And isn’t that just how we are, when we belly up to that bar? We keep saying “one more,” and it turns in to ten. No matter. The guy poured another, adding, “This one is a Welk.” And? “It means to twist about.”

It must have been some kind of a sign, as at that very moment, I was twisting about on my stool, letting my feet sort of flail around in the air. And of course it reminded me of Lawrence Welk and his Musical Family. So. I got up.

And I danced my way out of there.


Past, Present, and Future walk into a bar. It was tense.


A chameleon walks into a bar. Bartender says, “If your wife calls, I didn’t see you.”


An amoeba walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Pay the tab before you split.”


A measle walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Shots for everybody!”


A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. “A beer please, and one for the road.”


— An honest-to-goodness note —
(Those were the five random words that hit for me, in order, at [https://randomword.com/])