What a boar…


Once upon a time, there were three little pigs.

Personally, I think they were little for a couple of reasons.    1. They were very young.  OR …. 2. They all lived on a Ranch for the Runts.

I suspect the latter is the case.  As you will see later in the story, each of them wanted to build their own homes.  So if they were babies, they would not be dealing in real estate transactions just yet.  And if all three were runts from different families, living in the same commune, they would most likely  each want a place of their very own.

Back to the story.  I’ve already spoiled a bit.  The whole house-building deal.   But I’ll continue.  Yes. They each wanted a home.  Pig One, who’s real name is Sheldon, wanted a house of straw. Why?  Well… he was a cashier at Walmart, and that is all he could really afford at that point in his little Swiney Life.  So… he built it from that very affordable, yet flimsy, straw.  Lovely really.  Blended right in with the local hay stacks.  However, there was a bully living in the neighborhood.

That’s right.  A no good bully.  His name was Donny.  He was a wolf.  In sheep’s clothing.

Wait. Hold the phone.  That is a slightly different story.  Donny was just a plain old blatant obnoxious wolf.

So Donny runs up to Sheldon… threatens him… and then stalks him all the way back home… Straw Home.  With little Shelly inside, old Bully-Boy hufffffs, and he pufffffffs,…. and he blooooooowwwwws the house down.

Dag nab it, anyhow.

So. Sheldon moved to Costa Rica where he found a job in a tourist bar, doing bottle tricks… all Tom-Cruise-Like in Cocktail. He made great tips every night,  got a super good tan, and met a nice girl from the Buffet area, named Carla Anne.  She was a little pig too.  They got married and had three piglets.   Brian, Kyle, and Doug.  (In later years… Doug would grow up and write the screenplay for Misery.  Stephen King stole the manuscript.)  Kyle was a successful Drag-Queen-Pig in L.A.  And Brian was a Harley-Pig.   That guy went everywhere on his motorcycle. The only thing… he always hogged the road.

Anyway, Sheldon and Carla were crazy for each other, and they lived quite happily… forever after and then some.  They were the apples of each other’s eye.  And not once did they ever put that apple in their mouths.

Well…. it looks like I’m running out of time here tonight, but the stories of the other two pigs turned out to be quite extraordinary.  Spectacular really.    Teaser:  They too, built houses.  Donny was still in the hood.  More to come soon.  I’ll serve it up on a platter for you.


“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond the winning. ” – Lao Tzu