Worlds away.

I am sure you have heard the big news by now, but if you want to get in touch with someone on the big glowing orb, it may be just a phone call away. No more howling at the moon from the earth’s edge…. “Owwwwooooooo! Can you hear me now?”

On Tuesday of this past week, two phone companies. — Vodafone and Nokia — have said that they plan to build a cellular network in space. This, they continued, is to support what would be the first privately funded moon landing. Just around the corner, you see. The all of this is planned for next year.

Making these statements come true is going to take some big lucky work, I’ll tell you. Both of these companies have given their solemn vow to produce this little miracle. I mean, this is going to take some groundbreaking technology.

The device itself, has to be really light, and 4G. It will give a pair of lunar vehicles the ability to communicate with a base station. And then of course, the station would then transmit data and high-def video back to Earth. But that would use a different type of connection.

I’m a little skeptical at this point. I am a bit of a tech geek, you see. Even with that, I sometimes have trouble getting my Bluetooth to play nice with my Wi-Fi. Those pesky little mystery glitches that throw your monkey a brand new wrench. So the thing with the moon? A bit cheesy, at this point. In the way of Swiss Cheese. It seems full of holes.

Do not misunderstand. I am all for science and technology. Trust me on this one. But the handshaking is a different story.

The tin cans and strings, the little rover cars, and the network technology would be transported aboard a rocket owned by SpaceX. You know SpaceX. Elon Musk, et all.

Hey. Side bar. Does Elon Musk’s name remind anyone else of melons? Like Honeydews? Every time I see his name, I see a honeydew in my head. It must be from the switcheroo that moves Musk, to muskmelon, to cantaloup, to honeydew. But I see honeydew melons in little space suits. In all of this.


Here is my beef. There are a couple of contests which will give these companies big dollars in funding, if they come through. Like $750,000 for the one tier, and $30 million for the next. These are funded by Mr. Honeydew and Google, respectively.

That’s a big chunk of change. Money that could be used down here on earth for some connections of our earthly-own. Like, in the 2017 global average connection speeds rankings, the U.S. is listed as tenth.

South Korea, Norway, and Sweden are the top three. Hey, weren’t they the top three in Speed Skating at the Olympics? I smell conspiracy theory here.

Regardless, I think they could probably make a whole lot of Americans happy, if they kept those dollars down here on U.S. Soil. Building networks, for the country bumpkins, who are still on dialup. I’m sure we are going to need cell phones when we colonize the moon. But let’s get a little hut or two built first, up there, maybe. Until then, help us with our need for speed, down here, maybe.

You know, I like Mr. Mellonhead, and Google. I am sure they great reasoning in all of this. But right now, it just sounds like, one ring-ee-ding-ee. With the emphasis, on ding-ee.


“Many men talk like philosophers and live like fools.”
― Philip K. Dick, Beyond Lies the Wub


“A smart person knows how to talk. A wise person knows when to be silent.”
― Roy T. Bennett


“Live your truth. Express your love. Share your enthusiasm. Take action towards your dreams. Walk your talk. Dance and sing to your music. Embrace your blessings. Make today worth remembering.”
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience