Some days, when I write this thing, no matter which way I turn, I feel like giving up.
Yep. Giving it all up. Giving up writing this. Giving up the fact that I care about anything. Giving up on trying to talk reason into those I view as being prejudiced, bigoted, non-accepting. Giving up on the management of this country, as a world-leading force. Our political climate.
Throwing my hands up in the air, and saying. “You know what? Screw it.”
That’s mostly how I feel today.
Every day, I start my morning in a place of reflection. That’s all I’ll call it. Some may see it as meditation, or prayer, or candle-lighting-voo-doo. But for me, it is a time where I try to see the energy of me, and how it relates to the energy of all else.
I was angry when I started out this morning. Still harboring something I had seen on Facebook the night before. Someone’s post, concerning their judgement based on bible verse. In my opinion, they were being obtuse. In my place of unrest, as a result of this, I was irritated, and indignant. There I sat, in what should have been a time of peaceful reflection. My mind kept hammering out the injustices which occur daily. I fumed quietly, silently, as I visited the conversation I’d have with this person, “if only” we were ever to discuss this, or even that.
I drew in a deep breath, and tried to refocus my thoughts, asking how I could let go of my need to be right about this? I could think about nothing else but posting some sort of rebuttal on Facebook. Yeah. That would surely show them. But then, in that moment, when I breathed deeply, and opened up my desire to overcome this anger, something happened. Maybe it was a tap on my shoulder, or a whisper in my ear, or the completely overwhelming message that played out in my mind. Something said: Ask for an open heart. Say a prayer that that person will be able to see with an open heart. Say a prayer that he/she will be filled with acceptance and compassion. Pray that their fears will be taken away.
Peace isn’t found in some place we travel to, or in a church pew, or by a waterfall. Sure, maybe it could be there, and there, and there. But only if we bring it with us. Our peace comes from within. And for whatever reason, when I asked for my heart to be open, it allowed enough space for some kindness to come in.
Later, when I went to write this thing, the fact that a new study shows that pear-shaped-women are healthier than apple-women, or the story about the woman in Pennsylvania who was bitten by a Copperhead while doing laundry, didn’t seem to matter much on this day.
Instead, in this time, I wanted to write about finding peace.
When we can. When we must.
Our days aren’t always filled with the Zen-Goodness of the Dali Lama. But here’s what is true. We are doing the best we can. All of us. In our own limited ways. It may not feel like it, at times. But it’s all we have in that particular moment, just as it should be. And then in the next, we may find something else. A new space, and a new vision, that lets us breathe a little easier. That allows us to reach out a hand. Maybe to someone else. Maybe, just to ourselves.
And that is when we realize that we don’t give it up. We wait it out, or we move forward, or we stay right here. But we keep trying.
“It is common sense to take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something.”
― Franklin D. Roosevelt, Looking Forward
“If it is stupid but it works, it isn’t stupid.”
― Mercedes Lackey, Owlknight
“And falling’s just another way to fly.”
― Emilie Autumn