Water, man.

Many of you know I have this thing for Super Heroes. It started when I was about three-years-old, and it never waned. Bruce Waned.

But seriously, I love Super Heroes. I couldn’t get enough of the comics and cartoons when I was a kid. And now, I enjoy the movies (for the most part) as an adult.

And here is the thing. With most of the movies, they get “it” pretty right. Like when they cast Christopher Reeve as Superman. Toby McGuire as young Peter Parker. All the Batmans. They have all “lined up” with the original characters. The look and the feel of the comic is fairly close. Even all the lesser-followed heroes, like the Green Lantern, the Green Hornet, the Fantastic Four, the Arrow, Captain America, and on, and on, and on. And on. And on. There has been a multitude of Super Hero movies. From A to Z.

And THAT is the other thing. I’ve been patient. First I learned to walk. Then I started liking Super Heroes. Ever since, I had a favorite. Aquaman. When my sister and I would play Superheroes, she would always be Batman or Spiderman. And me? Forever Aquaman.

I think it is because I have always liked being in water. I loved to swim as soon as I was allowed. But there were other things. My Mom could never get me out of the bathtub when I was a kid. I would sit down in any good puddle. And the long, long, showers I took. And take. Water. World. I like to be in and around the H2O.

So yes. All this time, I have patiently been awaiting a movie about Aquaman. And now they are coming out with one. I read about it this week in an Entertainment Magazine.

You’d think I’d be elated. But instead, I wrote a letter. Dear People in Hollywood. You really f—ked this up.

I am not sure which comic book or cartoon they were looking at when they researched Aquaman, but it was not one that I have ever seen.

My dude, MY AQUAMAN, yes mine — looked much different. He was as close to a personification of me as it got. He was a white person. He had short, very blonde hair, cropped tight. He wore a bright orange shirt, and green tights. He had a big gold A on his belt. He carried a trident. Sometimes. THAT is Arthur Curry. That is Aquaman. He was so wholesome, he didn’t even wear a mask.

Now, for the movie, they have some guy that looked like he rolled right out of a centerfold of Playgirl Magazine, from the depths of Dusky World. This guy is dark, with long dark, unruly hair, and he is covered in tattoos. He had on nothing orange or green, and I haven’t seen the golden A belt yet either. Sure, he looks like he could be some kind of Sea Creature. Just not Aquaman. Not the All-GQ-Cutie-Clean Aquaman.

I will not go see this movie. No way, no how. I may even stand outside the theatres with protest signs, and pamphlets. Yes. That is exactly what I’ll do.

I am gloomy. Doleful. I have not been this disappointed since Orville Redenbacher switched popcorn oil. It is a dark day folks. A dark, dark day. Just like the new, unimproved Aquaman.

I’m going for a swim now. Hopefully, that will make me feel better.

And yes, I am putting on my orange t-shirt, and green tights before I get in the pool. And dressing up Lou like a dolphin.

And just remember. Things aren’t always as they seem.


“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”
― Aldous Huxley, Complete Essays 2, 1926-29


“In a time of deceit telling the truth is a revolutionary act.”
― George Orwell


“Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed. If people all over the world…would do this, it would change the earth.”
― William Faulkner