Ugly On Your Feet

Today I am reminded of cold weather. Not that it has been cold here, and I hate to jinx it by saying so. The last few days have been in the 50 degree range, which is completely magical for an Ohio January.

All of that aside. Most of the time, our winters are cold. Not Canadian Cold. But chilly enough. And people here do things to stay warm. Chiefly, we dress for it. With that in mind, there is a boot brand which is popular around these parts. Uggs.

If you have never seen an Ugg, it is a kind of unisex-style of sheepskin boot. Interestingly enough, they originating in places that have sheep. Australia and New Zealand. Sheepskin on the outside, with fleece on the inside. And like some people, they have a synthetic sole. Soul. Originally, in their start of things, they were worn for warmth by surfers, during the 1960s. Then they started creeping abroad and were introduced to the surf culture of the United Kingdom and the United States during the 1970s.

And here we are today. These days, there are Ugg everythings. Boots, slippers, high heels, sneakers, loafers. But if you have never seen an Ugg, one thing is for sure, they are Ugggleeee. I have nothing against an Ugg. At all. They are warm as can be, and I own a pair for those days when the mercury is not playing nice. But they are drop-dead-ugly. Most of the boots look like they got caught somewhere in a time warp between the Sahara Desert, and the Dark Side of the Moon.

But. The people at Uggs have marketed their way out of it. They have convinced many folks that they are somehow stylish. Personally, I will not wear mine unless the snow is deep enough to mask the fact that I have them on. Yet others seem to relish in their unique beauty. Now, the cracker-jack team at Uggs has taken this one step further. They have begun to put bows and fluff on these boots. I saw this for the first time this morning. It was like watching a terrible accident on the side of the road. You know it is horrific, but you can’t look away.

This was the case.

The lace bows up the back were the worst. It was like Paul Bunyan accidentally stepped on a ballerina on her way to Swann Lake. So sad, but true. In any event, I won’t be trading in my old model for a new one. Rest assured. The one’s I currently own will fair fine enough in this Ohio cold.

Yes. That Ohio cold. Which is on the way. I don’t know how people survive in places where it is really cold. Like Northern Canada, and Alaska. It seems, in those places, the people actually relish the cold. They wear it like a badge of honor. They do things like string 20 dogs together, and have them pull a sled for hundreds and hundreds of miles, through the frigid, bitter, bone-chilling terrain. Take the Iditarod. It is 1,000 miles long, from Willow to Nome.

It is just not for me. I have lots of Horse Power. Under a hood. In a garage. With a door, opened automatically, at the slightest touch of a button.

It keeps my Ugly Boots dry. And that. Is a thing of beauty.


“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
― Carl Reiner


“The climate of Barrow is Arctic. Temperatures range from cold as shit to fucking freezing.”
― Steve Niles, 30 Days of Night


“In the winter she curls up around a good book and dreams away the cold.”
― Ben Aaronovitch, Broken Homes