Truthfully? I’m full of crap today.

Everything I read this morning was about poop. I mean it. Somehow or another, I’ve got poop all over my news feeds, and there isn’t a thing I can do about it. I am owning the poop emoticon today.

Here’s the first poop mystery. There have been isolated bodies of water around, in certain places on earth, and, at some point, scientists noticed a species of fish that doesn’t really belong there. In this case, it was the Killifish. I am not sure of the exact location, but there they were. A bunch of Killifish living and thriving where they had never been before. Heck, I wouldn’t know a Killifish if it slapped me, either. But, as I said. There they were.

As it turns out, the fish travelled by Flamingo poop. Apparently those pink, peg-legged birds were eating in some other far off pond, and munched down a few dozen Killifish eggs. Then the flying, and the landing, in some other place. Then. Of course. The pooping. The fish eggs did what fish eggs do. They developed and hatched. And Viola’. Killifish swimming where they had never gone before.

For the record, the scientists tested this in a controlled environment, just to be certain. And. I am sure, under strong protest from the Pinky Flamingos.

The next story was about Chimpanzees. Apparently, Chimps have a habit of attacking bystanders by throwing their own feces. I didn’t know this before now. But yes, they toss poop.

According to those researchers at the Jane Goodall Institute, this type of behavior isn’t usually seen in the wild. The free-roamers don’t do it. They may pick up the occasional rock or stick and heave it. But not poop.

However, they do it in captivity. First, they don’t have access to a lot of stones or sticks. Yet, they do have poop to throw when they get uptight. The scientists think the main reason they do this, is because they get a reaction. They launch a turd, and they get a rise out of someone — either from zoo employees or guests.

The chimps have figured out that they can control the behavior of others to a certain degree. If they throw a big old turd, people will run. I know I would. Or at least duck. Given a pair of gloves, I might throw it back. But here’s the thing. Researchers associate this with higher intelligence. The Chimps will sometimes premeditate. They will pick up a wet one, and wait. Then, when an obnoxious or loud human comes along — Blammmo.

If those two stories weren’t enough, here are the highlights from a couple more.

Sloths leave the safety of their trees just once a week. If you’ve ever seen a sloth move, well, you know this is a big deal. The reason? They leave the tree for their weekly poop.

I’ve been to Hawaii, and I loved it there. Those beautiful white sand beaches in Hawaii (and the Maldives)? They are primarily made from parrot fish poop.

Finally. I’ve never been there, but I also love the moon. But guess what. Along with landing on the moon, Neil Armstrong also left four bags of poop behind. I’m assuming his own. C’mon Neil. Really?

Truth be told, the rest of the headlines are pretty poopy too. But not so literal. Yet, I think I’ll stay with these stories for a while. I’d rather read about Flamingo crap, than the rest of it.


“Never waste any time you can spend sleeping.”
― Frank H. Knight


“You don’t have to be good at something to be liked.”
― Stephen Richards


“I just want to do something that matters. Or be something that matters. I just want to matter.”
― John Green, An Abundance of Katherines