The Popcorn Brief

usandorv mourseeecorn

Oriville Redenbacher is doing just fine without the likes of Polly Kronenberger.  In fact, he is doing quite well.  You know, this finally just sunk in this morning.  Here.  Let me shine a little light on the subject.

About 12 years ago, or so… I started eating a lot of popcorn.  Once I find something I love… I sort of stick with it.   So every night, I would eat Orville Redenbacher’s Salted Natural Light Microwave Popcorn.  Not just one bowl.  I would eat like 3 or 4 bags of Orv’s Natural Light Popcorn each night.  I loved the stuff.  Like crazy.

Well… one night, it tasted funny to me.  I popped another bag.  Hmmmm…. still not right.  And then I started to suspect something.  Given the shear quantity of corn I consumed each night, I kept several boxes on  hand.  (Not to mention that I am OC.)  I began to compare labels.  Yes, the Little Sherlock in me uncovered the truth.  Orville switched oils.  From the very yummy and delicious Safflower Oil, to the disgusting, miserable, rancid Palm Oil.  Oh the shame of it.  Certainly, there HAD to be some mistake.

What the Hey.  Looky there.  A 1-800-EATYOURCORNY number on the box.  I rang-ed.  To make a long story short, I rang, I wrote, I whined and complained.  And then it finally came to this.  I THREATENED.  Yes I did.  From the other end of that phone, I told young Jacob Smithersteen, a freshman at the University of Nebraska, who was answering phones that summer at the Conagra Foods Office in Omaha…. I told Jacob…. “YOU mark my WORDS young man.   I willlllll NEEEEVVVVVERR buy a bag of Orville Redenbacher’s Popcorn AGAIN.”

And to this day, I haven’t.

Since that time… Orville and the whole gang at Conagra are A-OK.  It just hit me today.

You see, a similar situation occurred.  This time with my  Champion Reverse Weave Sweatpants with NO  pockets.   In other words… my Jammy Pants.  For YEARS NOW… my Jammy Pants.  It appears that Hanes bought Champion, and they are now running the show.  Those Hanes folks have decided to discontinue that line.

Guess what I did.  I called. I emailed.  I complained.  I cried.  And then… I got the response.

Dear Customer, 
Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, style P1049, the Champion Reverse Weave Elastic Bottom Sweatpants without pockets, has been discontinued by the manufacturer and is no longer available for purchase. We no longer have any of this item in stock. Please accept our apologies for any inconvenience this may cause.
 Please let us know if we can be of further assistance.
 Sincerely,  Jennifer

A dear John letter, in the middle of the day, from a girl named Jennifer.  I’m pathetic.

I write in jest about these two encounters.  (Albeit very real, and very devistating… 🙂

But here is the deal.  I always root for the Underdog.  Yet… often times… the little guy… the underdog… does not win.

I don’t understand how this world works.  From the bottom to the top, and back down again.   There are plenty of situations, much more serious than sweatpants and popcorn which are happening in the world.  Those times where the Big Strong Top Dog is right at home on his little mountain of Milkbone biscuits. And.  It doesn’t seem fair.  The little guy does not always win.

Yesterday, I told someone that love prevails over hate.   And then I said… At least we can hope so.

These days… it worries me to no end.
But I’ll still keep responding with love.  Not hate.

And I’ll probably always root for the Underdog.  Even if he isn’t wearing pants, and doesn’t have a popcorn kernel to his name.


The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That’s real glory. Thats the essence of it.”
― Vince Lombardi Jr.


“You rarely win, but sometimes you do.”
― Harper Lee


“Sometimes not getting what you want is a brilliant stroke of luck.”
― Lorii Myers,