Every Holiday, throughout the year, plays the same tune. Where ever you turn, there you see all the prompts about the Holiday. The decorations, candy, music, cards, plays, fireworks, and the articles. The articles. Every time you turn around there is some sort of catchy news piece about the Holiday at hand.
Well, people. Believe it or not, I am your friend. I will not do that here. There shall be no writing about the Fourth of July, our Independence Day. We all know WHAT it is, and who the major players were. So why rehash this, again and again, and again. Especially on the Fourth of July. I mean the day’s date even spells out the Holiday.
Instead, I shall write briefly about Jelly Beans.
America apparently loves them. I was shocked and amazed to find out that the most popular flavor of Jelly Beans in America is,
Popcorn. Buttered Popcorn Jellybeans.
It is the favorite, by far, here in Ohio. According to my source. As well as Texas, California, Virginia, New Mexico, Michigan, George, and more.
Okay, here is a thing about me. I don’t eat any “sweets.” Not since I was around 16 years old. No candy, pies, cookies, waffles, muffins, ice cream, cakes, pancakes, or anything else in the Sweet Department. But I still have my opinions about them.
The top FOUR Jelly Bean Flavors gross me out.
They are Buttered Popcorn, of course. Then: Black Licorice, Cinnamon, and Watermelon.
My two favorites, Orange and Strawberry, don’t come in until #7 and #11, respectively.
Some of the favorite flavors don’t even appeal to me. Like Montana’s Choice. They picked Cotton Candy. Now, as a child, I avoided Cotton Candy with all my might. It tasted like somebody wedged a fist-full of granulated sugar in your mouth. But Montana likes this flavor in a Jelly Bean?
And don’t get me started on Maine, and their pension for Sour Green Apple. No wonder those people are all making those terrible faces up there. All scrunched up all the time, looking like they are angry. In reality, they are all snacking on Sour Green Apple Jelly Beans.
Yeah. This disappointed me. I quit eating sweets about the time Jelly Belly came out with their whole combination-schematics. It was where they encouraged you to put two, three, four, flavors together, and make something. Like Cherry and Vanilla and something else, to get Cherry Pie Ala Mode. Or Lemon Lime and Toasted Marshmallow would give you Key Lime Pie.
I looked at the Sugar-Free options tonight, but there was a Warning Label. It said that eating those beans could cause stomach pain, or give you a laxative effect. It cautioned snackers to start out with just a few. Cautionary Candies. The Laxative Effect. So yeah. I think I will leave my “Jelly Bean Eating” to my memories of youth.
Oh, those were the days. Ronald Reagan loved a good Jelly Bean, for crying out loud. How much more American can you be than that? Eat one for the Gipper.
Why, THAT is so American, they ought to make the Jelly Bean the National Food for The Fourth of July or something….
Dagnabbit. There I went and did it. I wrote about the 4th on the 4th.
Nonetheless. I hope your day was Sweet.
(Jelly Bean Undercover Sources:)
“Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.”
― Erma Bombeck
“We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.”
― David Mamet, Boston Marriage
“Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.”
― Mark Twain