Polish Rulers at picnics

I am banking on this next one. We are all chomping at the bit to find out who the very first King of Poland was.

Look no further.

Boleslaw Chrobry.

The first thing this morning I read through a lot of dry history on this guy. So I could write about him here. But his was a complicated time. And so was his coronation. Most importantly, he was, in fact, the first King of Poland.  Prior to Boleslaw, all the Royal Rulers of Poland were Dukes.  But Boleslaw decided Poland needed a King, and he was it.  So he convinced to Pope to bless the whole mess.  And there he was.  The very first King.

But. For the most part, historians agree he was crowned on April 18, 1025. Then, he died 2 months later. There seems to be some question about how he perished. Or even where he was buried.

But 1,000 years later, most of us are sitting here not giving a rat’s ass about this guy. So why bother here? Well, there’s no good reason, really.

I just couldn’t get away from his name. Boleslaw.

Of course the obvious. It is extremely close to coleslaw. Which, by the way, is one of my favorite things, especially when it is placed on certain sandwiches. Like a fried chicken sandwich. Or a cheeseburger.

Then of course, I had to wonder just how Mr. & Mrs. Chrobry came up with little Boleslaw’s name. Were they out on a picnic somewhere, having wine, cheese, and coleslaw? By mid-day, things took a romantic turn, and nine months later, little baby Polish Duke is born? And the proud parents, in unison, shout: “We shall name him Coleslaw!”

Of course, Mr. Chrobry — who’s real name is Mieszko I — is the current and Royal Duke of Poland. So in that very minute the parents have chosen his name, all his advisors clamor around and say, “Sir. You want to name him Coleslaw? The other baby dukes will laugh at him in pre-school. Not to mention once he gets to sword-training, and beheading classes.”

So, the Chrobry’s rethink the Coleslaw thing, shifting it slightly to Boleslaw. Since their coleslaw was in a bowl at their picnic. And this appeases the courts.

By the time he grew up to take over his father’s throne, everyone referred to him as Boleslaw the Brave.

Now, let’s stop right there, to take a tip from me. If you are at a Cookout, and someone brings Coleslaw the Brave, do not eat it. Do not. Heaven only knows what might be in there. We can talk later about the Polish Sausage.

Anyway. There you have it.
The first King of Poland. Boleslaw Chrobry. And now you know why.

And should you ever find yourself as a contestant on Jeopardy, remember me in Final Jeopardy, and write a message, on the little answer screen, “Yo. Polly!”

People will cheer for you. It will be a big dang day, and you will take home the big jackpot with the winning answer, “Alex. What are Danish Detectives?”
And more history will be made.


“History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.”
― Winston S. Churchill


“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”
― Steve Maraboli


“If you don’t know history, then you don’t know anything. You are a leaf that doesn’t know it is part of a tree. ”
― Michael Crichton