On any given day, a flurry of news headlines whoosh before our eyes. Well. My eyes, at least. I have things set up that way, intentionally. I get “news feeds” delivered directly to my Inbox. From the widest of sources. CNN, BBC, NPR, FOX, CBS, Bible Gateway, New York Times, Washington Post, and more.
Sometimes, they seem endless. But more than that, they cause me to wonder about the shape of things, and the incredible things that people are capable of doing. Good and bad, big and small.
This, from a few days ago. The following headlines were from one newspaper only. The Washington Post. But today, I am putting a spin on the headlines. I am not going to tell you about the details of the story. I am just going to find some little fact that I can ferret out from the headline alone.
5 dead after helicopter on photo shoot crashes in New York City’s East River
The East River is not really a river. It is actually a “saltwater tidal strait” since it’s not comprised of any fresh water. And its direction of flow changes with the time of day.
Lightning strikes worshipers in Rwandan church, killing 15 and injuring dozens
Most people hear “Rwanda” and they think it must be some obscure religion, and God was rolling up his sleeves on that one. Well, the most recent census reports that: 56.9% of the Rwanda’s population is Roman Catholic, 26% is Protestant, 11.1% is Seventh-day Adventist.
Britain’s fanciest dog show had just named its ‘best in show.’ Then PETA struck.
The first dog SHOW, of National proportions, was held in Birmingham in 1859. It was a really big success. Yes, the Birmingham Dog Show Society ran the first National Dog Show, for which there were 267 entries, with 30 breeds, judged in 42 classes.
PETA was founded in March of 1980. I think a lot of trophies were awarded to good dogs, without any horrendous consequences for those 121 years.
Bruno Mars was accused of cultural appropriation. Charlie Wilson, among others, defended him.
Bruno Mars’ real name is Peter Gene Bayot Hernandez. Charlie Wilson’s really name is Charles Kent Wilson, but he is also known as Uncle Charlie. Not to be confused with Uncle Charley from My Three Sons.
There may be some additional Cultural Appropriations in my observations.
Jailed Mennonite will testify in death penalty case after refusing on religious grounds
The Mennonites are members of certain Christian groups. They belong to the communities of Anabaptist denominations. AND, they are named after Menno Simons (1496–1561) of Friesland (which today is a province of the Netherlands).
I think the Quaker Oats guy wasn’t really a Quaker. Probably a Mennonite, judging from his hat.
She said she killed her son and hid him in a manure pile. The truth is more sinister, police say.
There are two classes of manures in soil management: green manures and animal manures. Green manures are crops grown for the express purpose of plowing them under. Animal manures are stinky poop.
Trump Blames Video Games for School Shootings. Here’s What Science Says
Super Mario is the guy. Mario was first seen in the video game Donkey Kong. But, he was called “Jumpman.” And if you are keeping tabs, he was also a carpenter then, not a plumber. Yeah, all fine and good, but get this. Mario was named after Mario Segale, the landlord of Nintendo of America’s office. Mario Segale barged in on a company meeting demanding an overdue rent. No guns involved in either Mario case.
So my headlines for today?
Don’t cry me a river. Instead, a waterway. Pray in your own voice if you want to pray. Love your dog. If you want to be a rock star, change your name. Eat your oatmeal, Quaker or otherwise. Watch where you step. It could be poop. If woodworking isn’t your bag, try plumbing.
I’m Polly Kronenberger. Thanks for joining me for the KW Nightly News.
“A nation of sheep will beget a government of wolves.”
― Edward R. Murrow
“News travels fast in places where nothing much ever happens.”
― Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye
“Most neuroses and some psychoses can be traced to the unnecessary and unhealthy habit of daily wallowing in the troubles and sins of five billion strangers.”
― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land