Life can be full of happy.
Happy eating in this case, from the happiest of meals.
Which is why I am telling you this:
McDonald’s is tuning down its late night menu.
It went into effect today. If you have missed this big news item, I will bring you up to speed on the beef-patty-world. Because I care about your need for special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onion, on that sesame seed bun.
The starched shirts at McDonald’s are cutting the fancy-smancy items, and simply serving up the backbone of things in the wee hours. The chain’s most-popular items, including the Big Mac, Chicken McNuggets, their yummy crispy French Fries are still available.
But the frilly is gone. “The Artisan Grilled Chicken Sandwiches, Buttermilk Crispy Chicken Sandwiches and Filet-O-Fish are not included in the new late night menu. Premium salads also are missing, along with Buttermilk Crispy Tenders.”
What? You say. No Filet-O-Fish. That doesn’t seem right. Fish gotta’ swim. Birds gotta’ fly.
Yet. Here is the key to all of this.
The menu-reduction is from Midnight to 5 a.m.
Midnight. To 5 A.M.
Now. I can’t even BEGIN to tell you have very little this is going to affect my life. This has been splashed on the headlines of CNN and USA Today, among other credible news sources. But simply enough, even if I cared, it would not impact my life.
I have not been to a fast food restaurant after midnight since 1984. At least. That’s 35 years ago, give or take a few months.
And even if I were starving after midnight, I am not sure my body would survive the impact of eating a Big Mac that late. It seems cruel. And unusual.
What with the Happy Clown getting all up in your face as your drive through the red and yellow Happy Land, with those Happy Meals.
Speaking of which. They have completely avoided telling us the fate of the Happy Meal. Not one teeny mention of them. I suspect there will be no happiness after midnight. Just bare bones snarfing.
Yes. This menu is for the Snarfers. They are the young people who either drank too much, or smoked just enough. And now fast food is no longer a luxury, but an all-out requirement for their late-night survival. They can be heard saying things like, “Life cannot go on without a Big Mac dude. I need two.”
Similar behavior can be seen and heard at places like White Castle. Who, by the way, has always been the King of the Late Night Snarfers.
Regardless, I bring you this information, as a sort of public service announcement I suppose. Perhaps some of you still meander though the hallowed halls of late-night fast food.
This if for you.
I take my clown nose off to you.
Most of all, I hope it makes you happy.
If you be holding a Big Mac.
Because, after all,
Happiness is in the eye of the beholder.
“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”
― Abraham Lincoln
“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien
“You can’t be happy unless you’re unhappy sometimes”.”
― Lauren Oliver, Delirium