In the wood.

booooododi pemmmmncils

I love a good Fairy Tale.  Story, or Fable.

So, for you, this evening… my version of Masterpiece Theatre.  Better know as… really… Missing Pieces Theatre.

“The Girl Who Knew Too Much.”

Once upon a time, in a land not so far away… lived a little kid. Everyone knew him as “The Hood.”   Because he always wore a hood.  But in reality his name was  Ryder.  People also called him Little Read.  Because he read so very little.   Through a series of misinformation and noisy bars, the world came to know him as Little Red Riding Hood.  It all kind of got smooshed together.

Well.  Enough about his name.  Little Red Riding Hood lived mostly in a sensible home, just on the fringe of the forest. The outer fringe, really.   Where the Pine Trees grew big Pine Nuts. Outrageous Pine Nuts.  But his Grandmother…  yes, the kind and loving Grandmother… lived in a beautiful cottage, deep in those woods.  Once day, LRRH decided to go visit his coolio Grandma.  So off he went… skipping and singing through the forest.

He took a little break along the way to rest and eat some cookies.  A few Foxes were playing like bandits… where he stopped to sit.  He listened to them intently as they talked all about the woods.  They were full of wild & wooly stories.  Some rabbits, mice, birds, and squirrels came along too.  They tried to try and talk to LRRH too.  But alas…. he was intent on listening to the Foxes, and only the Foxes.  When he was done eating his Macaroon Cookies… the Foxes rushed away.

Back on the path….  he skipped along, on his way.   But then…. something terrible happened.  A big ugly Fox… that looked a lot like a Wolf… but it was really a nasty ugly fox… saw LRRH.  AND… the Big Bad Fox…. BBF…. also noticed that the boy had a basket full of goodies.  Like more cookies… and Snickers Bars… and those Cheese and Peanut Butter Crackers that are bright orange.

So the BBF ran ahead to Grandma’s house.  He knocked her over the head with a bag full of bricks.  The kind you might build a wall with.  But these were just in  a big knapsack.  Yep. He knocked Granny right on the noggin, and stuffed her into the linen closet.

A few minutes later… LRRH arrived.  The fox put on Granny’s jammy pants and jumped into her bed.  Knock. Knock.  “Come in Red”

“Granny.  WTF?  You look like Holy Hell.”  What’s with the orange furry skin? “
“Bad rash.  No. It’s allergies. No. It’s a cold.  Oh… I didn’t say that.  Trust me.  I’ll be okay.  Trust me.”

“Okay Granny. Here’s some goodies I brought you.  Now can I have lots of money?”
“Sure Red.  Trust me.  I’ll get it to you.   Trust me.”
“Okay Granny.  Thanks.  See you next Tuesday.”

And off LRRH went.  Just skipping along… mindlessly.  Until Tuesday.
Meanwhile… The Big Bad Fox… ate ALLLLL the Goodies.  He burped.  He grinned.  And then he had the House… all to himself.  It had been painted white…. for a LOT of years.  But he had plans to remodel, and make it purple and gold.

The End.  Sort of.

You see… the rest of the animals in the forest were going bat-shit-crazy.  They knew Granny was still stuffed in the linen closet.  Unfairly.   They were trying to think of ways to get her out of there.

And about that time,  The Three Bears, The Three Pigs, Hansel & Gretel, and Rumpelstiltskin  came to the production studio to begin  taping their shows for Missing Pieces Theatre.

And then everything went nuts.  Crazy-Go-Nuts.

I simply cannot write another word of this.

It is too upsetting….  for little wee-brained Polly.  So this will just have to To Be Continued…. some other time…… Oh. … ……  …  and continue it will…..  …. …..