Big Lessons


I don’t want you to miss out on some of life’s greatest truths.  So tonight, tirelessly, fiercely, I write.
Not because I can.  Because I must….

I will commence.

Don’t sit down.  Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.  Who’s dead skin, I don’t know.  But someone’s dead skin.  We are all just gross at this point.

Okay.  Be careful driving….if you leave the house to go buy Pledge and a dust rag.  You see…. If you crash your car… and the air bag deploys…. it increases the cost of repairing the car by about $2000.    As such, that is enough money, to cause insurance companies to declare your car as “totaled.”

Since we are on the morbid side of things… let’s shine a little light on the subject.  1 out of 350,000 Americans get electrocuted in their life.  Zappos is more than a name for a shoe store.

Don’t worry about the Zapping Gods.  Here is the deal.  More people are killed annually by donkeys than die in airplane crashes.  Fear the Donkey.

Okay. Forget about all those sad things.  Let’s talk about happy topics for a moment or two.   Like happy nature… with happy trees, and flowers…. and birds, and bees, and such.

Birds. Homing pigeons use roads where possible to help find their way home. In fact, some pigeons follow roads so closely that they actually fly around traffic circles before choosing the exit that leads them home.

I don’t know how people know this.  But if it is true… I would think Google Maps would be easier.  These people… who are watching the Homing Pigeons, should tell those pigeons about Google Maps.

Bees. A bee must visit 4,000 flowers in order to make one tablespoon of honey.  Bees must be damn tired at the end of the day.  No parties back at the hive, I bet you.

Here’s a heavy fact. A rhinoceros beetle can support up to 850 times its own weight on its back. That would be the equivalent of a man carrying 76 family sized cars.

I don’t really know what constitutes a “family sized car”  but this seems like it would be a lot of weight, even if it were 76 tiny little Smart Cars.   Heave Ho Rhino.

And one more about Nature. It is about those old Hedgehogs.  Why in the world can’t they just share the Hedge?

Finally, a few more random Great Truths of Life.

The mask used by Michael Myers in the original film, “Halloween”, was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.

Hey, speaking of Captain Kirk.  Why did Captain Kirk lay on his back and pee on the ceiling?  He wanted to go where no man had ever gone before.

So.  What is my grand reason for sharing all of this with you.  It all has to do with a new story I am writing about a broken pencil.  Turns out… it is Pointless.

Now you know a hand full of the Great Truths.  With this newly found information, you certainly have the “one up” on most of your friends and coworkers.  So.  Perhaps for fun… tomorrow… we should all try this:

Start finishing all your sentences with the words: “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”

Seriously.  Just remember.  Each one of us are students in this life.  We are learning as we go, from the time we are born, until the time we die.  On the other side of that, always remember that we are teachers in this life, as well.

Remember to learn well.  Remember to teach well.

And remember….
100% of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.


“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
― Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

“Everything you can imagine is real.”
― Pablo Picasso

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.”
― May Sarton