When a straight flush goes terribly bad.

The throne. When peeing just isn’t enough. I learned a factoid today. The report claims that 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

Injured by toilets. Each year.

Imagine my surprise. Personally, I have never been injured by a toilet. Not even a glancing insult. Albeit, I’ve spent some terrible moments on, or around, the toilet in my lifetime. But that is the way of the world.

Yet. This piece of information is a little mind boggling. I simply can’t understand how even one person could be slain by toilet, let alone 40,000 of the unsuspecting dolts. If you are one of these people, my apology for the “dolt” reference. But I wonder how this goes?

Are they reaching in? Standing on the thing? Swiveling during seating? I’m at a loss. Nonetheless, it just goes to prove that this is a wild, wild world of ours. Anything can happen.

The mishaps have been going on since humans have been standing upright. Since speaking of that Throne, we might as well stay in the realms of the Royal. Take Torg and Merg, the first CaveCouple. Their mishaps were most likely many in number. I am sure that invention of fire brought about a few singed uni-brows. By the way. Fire, by the way, has been around for 1.5 million years. Or so I’ve read.

Then of course, there is Egypt, land of the Pharaohs. Everyone back then, thought the Pharaohs were literally divine. “Pharaoh” the word, means “great house” — as in the house of God. Maybe the Pharaohs thought more of themselves than any others. There was on named King Pepi II. He would get annoyed by buzzing insects, as we all do. But Pepi would command that some of his slaves be covered in honey to lure the flies away from his big Pharaoh self. That’s some sticky business.

Speaking of rulers, and bad luck. What about Abraham Lincoln? We all know he was fatally shot at the Ford Theater. But, that night, as with any night, the president had a bodyguard on duty. This one was John Frederick Parker.

Unfortunately, for Abe, this Parker fellow was a police officer with a pretty bad reputation. So on that night of the fateful shooting, he arrived three hours late for his shift. If that wasn’t enough, Parker left his post protecting the President. He went next door to the Star Saloon to get a drink, and we’re not talking water. That is when Booth entered the box seats and did what he did. I hope he got canned.

And speaking of the can, we are back to the matter of the “injured by toilet” phenomenon. I can only hope your day skids by without joining the ranks. It’s a dangerous world out there. Pee safe.


For safety is not a gadget but a state of mind.
— Eleanor Everet


Precaution is better than cure.
— Edward Coke


It is better to be safe than sorry.
— American Proverb