I am not one to give advice. I know I have my little ad-libs here every night about the goodness and power of the Universe. And I believe those things to be true. You know how I go…. like… “C’mon people now. Smile on your brother. Everybody join together and love one another. Right now. Right now.” Like that.
But tonight is different. I have found some facts that may… or may not… change your life. Truly, though. It is a good idea if you take heed.
Some people worry about getting their bodies in “bikini shape” for vacations. Well. I have the spot for you. There is an uninhabited island in the Bahamas known as Pig Beach, which is populated entirely by swimming pigs. I assure you. There, you will have no worries. But you might gain a few pen pals.
For the campers, and the outdoorsmen. Catnip is ten times more effective at repelling mosquitoes than DEET. You know DEET….. the main substance used in insect repellents. This Catnip thing seems a lot healthier to me. But it has its obvious drawbacks. Stepping outside with a heavy coat of Catnip on will put cats on you like white on rice.
On going out to dinner. I love to try new things. I’ll even try things a few times over, even if I haven’t cared for them in the first place. Like Calamari. And Tofu. But sometimes, the exploratory methods of eating can give you trouble. Take polar bear, for example. First, there is the whole danger of catching the thing. BUT. If eaten in one meal, 30 to 90 grams of polar bear liver is enough to kill a human being. I’m not sure why. It might have something to do with all the seals they eat. Someone will certainly waste money conducting a study of this.
Speaking of Studies. Our English language can be tricky, as tricky can be. Sometimes, downright weird.
Read rhymes with lead.
Read also rhymes with lead.
And now. The most important fact of the night. The national animal of Scotland is the Unicorn.
This speaks for itself.
Believe in the magic.
And it will believe in you.
“A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect.”
― Jonathan Lockwood Huie
“It’s amazing what you can see when you just sit quietly and look.”
― Jacqueline Kelly, The Evolution of Calpurnia Tate